Before This and After This
1 full year and couple weeks after cancer treatments and I’m not over it.
It’s not “old news”. It will never be old news to me. Even after everyone stops asking about it- I still live behind the cancer curtain. I have grown in my journey with enough strength to peek from behind it. Thank God for that- but it was due to the loving support I have received from my friends and family. Miraculously, it doesn’t drape over me with an unbearable heaviness. I know eventually, I will wear it as a cape.
However, I couldn’t shake the fact that my very thought process has shifted and I see my whole life as a “before” and “after”.
I was married “before” I had cancer. I took a job “after” I had cancer. I had my kids “before” cancer. I started the bog “after” cancer. People I met are defined as those who know I had cancer and those who don’t. The friendships that I currently have are defined by their involvement before and after my cancer diagnosis.
For those who have endured some kind of tragedy in your lives:
Doesn’t this resonate with you?
Everything that happens to me here on out, will ultimately be categorized as the after. There just doesn’t seem to be any way around that mindset. Honestly, I am okay with that. Every day gets a bit easier. This is why:
Cancer has not limited me. I am limitless. I rely on Him.
“Our Lord is great, with limitless strength; we’ll never comprehend what he knows and does”. ~ Psalm 147:5 MSG
It hasn’t defined me, but it has REFINED me.
SO my life story is this- my chapters defined as Before and After. Cancer will always be a driving force in my decisions but it is not motivated by fear but FAITH. I’ve resolved that, my cancer diagnosis will never be old news foe me, even if the questions stop being asked and I’m 100% cancer free. I don’t have to live in fear, instead I know living an unlimited and empowered life feels too good- why would I want it to be old news?
Thanking God for another day.
So what’s on the agenda today? Just hanging out with that family and knowing that I have GOD’s unlimited potential in me.